Hurray! We are living in Paradise!

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(as of Jul 29,2021 19:24:12 UTC – Details)


Imagine yourself living on a fictitious Caribbean island called Paradise. If there is a resemblance to any person living or dead it is, of course, a pure coincidence and was never intended. The island names Paradise and Pirate Island are products of the author’s imagination. The inhabitants of each Caribbean island perceive their island as “Paradise”. There is also always another island close by, which they deeply dislike.

Why was I prompted to write this satire? Firstly it’s for the dear tourists. They utter statements, which I am never, and I stress NEVER allowed to question. If I do the sparkle in their eyes disappears, their faces turn gloomy and the smiles die on their lips. The most common sentences used are: “Oh my God, how lucky you are that you can lie under palm trees the whole day long!”

How they get to have this absurd idea in the first place I’ll never know. Here is another one: “Oh God, how we envy you! Permanently in Paradise and no more reason to complain!” This statement also remains unexplained. As well as the God status.

Beware if you contradict them. They don’t like it and they tend to get cool and reserved as if you had insulted them. If you should dare to tell them that you have been up since 6 am and you had nothing but trouble all day they tend to ignore it. So usually I don’t mention it, as it doesn’t get me anywhere.

And secondly there are the islanders. They ask me with a bright smile and shiny eyes how I’m enjoying Paradise. They don’t seem to be able to differentiate between a working person and a tourist. Even in Paradise it should have registered in their minds that not all Caucasians are tourists. If one enlightens them on the fact that one just happens to be coming from WORK they carry on undeterred asking if you are enjoying Paradise. If this happens right after some fool overtook you in his car on the right side when you were doing a right turn, another cursed you as a “white bitch” because you didn’t instantly want to date him and another went even further screaming: “F…you, white bitch!”, after he just nearly killed you with his car, one feels the deep urge to shout that this lovely island would be even lovelier if somebody locked up all the fools and threw the keys away. But normally one does not verbalize this.

It’s expected, that as you are perfectly trained and brain washed, you break out in everlasting praise and glory.

Only a Paradisian is allowed to criticize Paradise, never an immigrant, and if so, than he/she should preferably leave as fast as possible.

And speaking to you, dear tourists, let’s be honest: because we live on a winter free island with a lot of palms and surrounded by an intensely blue ocean there is no reason to do nothing and be permanently and dementedly happy. How could that happen?

So, before I founded a new church named: “The Church of the Eternal Praises”, I chose to write a book instead (although the church would probably have more fans). It is a satirical approach to real life in Paradise, how nice it is and also how terrible. This was very necessary. Islanders might sulk. The tourists will kill themselves laughing and come in numbers to experience the Caribbean lifestyle. They will not really experience it, it doesn’t work that way. They might even stop the silly comments about Paradise, I would definitely prefer the latter. The “older” immigrants will howl and wriggle with joy, because finally someone noted down the daily surreal happenings and how everybody wants to make you believe that everyday life here is NORMAL.

The newcomers will be slightly frightened, smile half-heartedly and might say: “But it isn’t QUITE like that, is it?”

It is if you like it or not, and sooner or later you’ll find out for yourself.

Don’t cry! It contains quite a lot of nice, amusing and even romantic moments. If there were any real Paradisians I would recommend the following: “Relax! Chill out! Take it easy!” Suit this Paradisian mantra to the word!

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